Life's Loss
by Tenshi no Sendo
Summary: The begining of a strange fic based on Heero's POV. Takes place after the battle against White Fang. Heero was injured and lost his memory. With the help of the Zero system, he tries to find out about his past. Please Review!
1. Memories

Chapter 1  
  
Why can't I remember?  
  
It should all be so clear to me but it's not.  
  
I want to remember.  
  
I hate that I forgot.  
  
No matter what I do I can't get it back.  
  
What's true?  
  
What's a lie?  
  
What can I believe?  
  
Part of me wants answers.  
  
But the other part of me wants me to forget.  
  
I don't know why.  
  
Is my past that bad that I shouldn't remember?  
  
I want to know.  
  
I need to know!  
  
The others, they won't help me.  
  
I know them though.  
  
Does that mean that there's something they want to hide from me?  
  
Or is there something they want me to hide from?  
  
The truth?  
  
My past?  
  
Who I am?  
  
Why won't they tell me?  
  
Why won't they help me?  
  
I need to know who I am!  
  
My name - Heero Yuy, that's what they keep calling me. The name seems familiar, but it's somehow new to me at the same time! I need to know why! Why won't they help me?  
  
There are things that I can do that I don't understand why. They gave me a computer to 'play with'. When he came back, he said I had hacked into the Sanq kingdom security system. I don't know what I did, or how I did it, but they seemed pleased with me. And an incident last week confused me even more.  
  
-Flashback-  
  
'Hn'  
  
'Hn'  
  
'Huh'  
  
'Argh'  
  
'What the hell was that?'  
  
I was in a deep sleep when I had the dream.  
  
'Who was she? What was that machine?'  
  
There were two things that I hadn't recognised.  
  
'What does it mean?'  
  
I want to find someone, talk to them about it. Getting out of bed I throw on a shirt and head out the room. I don't know where I'm going. I just follow my feet. Looking around, I can't help but wonder why I'm here. I don't recognise this place. I can tell that it's a huge room, even though the lights are off.  
  
'Where am I?'  
  
I turn around to find the lights. Even though I don't know where I am, I know this is where I need to be. I find the light switch and flip it on. Bright lights come on, blinding me momentarily. Then I see it!  
  
'Am I dreaming again?'  
  
'What's happening?'  
  
The lights turned the large room into a storage area for the machines in my dream.  
  
'What are they?'  
  
'These are mobile suits called Gundams a voice said.  
  
Turning around, I notice Duo leaning against the doorframe. Trowa is standing inside the room. He continues speaking.  
  
'These are the machines we used to end the wars.'  
  
'Gundams?' I ask. It's more of a question then a statement.  
  
'Yeah, you wanna see Zero? Duo asks.  
  
'Zero?' I say.  
  
Duo stands up straight and walks past me. He gestures for me to follow him, and I do. We walk further into the room. That's when I see it!  
  
'Wing Zero!'  
  
'Huh, How'd you know it's whole name?' Duo asked.  
  
This question confused me.  
  
'What? You told me.'  
  
'No, he only told you it was called Zero.' Trowa said.  
  
This made me uncomfortable. For some reason, at this point I wanted to be inside the Gundam. Suddenly, the front of Wing Zero opened up and a long cable lowered down.  
  
'What's going on?' I asked.  
  
'Well, it looks like Zero wants you to get in!' Trowa answered.  
  
Duo looked at Trowa and then at me. It seems that he is just as confused at this as I am.  
  
'It's alright' Trowa assures me.  
  
'He just wants you to go inside'  
  
I look over at Trowa, then towards Duo. Duo looks at me expectantly. I look up at the Gundam, Wing Zero. The open hatch beckoning me to enter. Slowly, I walk up to the cable and hold on to it. Unconsciously I allow my foot to slip into the loop at the bottom and I tug lightly on the cable. The cable starts to retract, slowly lifting me off the ground and towards the entrance. From this point onwards, I forget about everything. The only thing I know is that I need to be inside Wing Zero. The only thing I feel is a force drawing me in. The only thing I have is Wing Zero!  
  
As I lower my body down into the seat, I finally feel alive.  
  
Now what do I do? The thing with Zero, that was a week ago. Inside the suit, I finally felt I was close to the answers. But, I couldn't handle it. It hurt. The pain was too much for me. I was too weak! But I have to try again. I have to succeed. I'm going to try again. TONIGHT!!!  
  
He tried to stop me. He knew what I was thinking.  
  
'I have to go. I need to do this.' I tell him.  
  
'Heero, I'll help you remember what you need to. Going into Zero, it might be dangerous.'  
  
He's worried about me. He thinks I'm too weak to do it again. I suppose he's right but I have to prove him wrong. I have to prove to myself.........  
  
'I'm going, whether you think I should or not. I have to!'  
  
'Heero...' He's still trying to stop me.  
  
I had to say something. 'Duo, I'll be fine.'  
  
With that, I decided that I shouldn't stay any longer. Looking up to Zero, I watched as the canopy opened and the cable lowered down.  
  
'Heero, Please. It's not safe!'  
  
I had to ignore him. If I didn't he would probably keep trying to talk me out of it.  
  
He would probably succeed. 


	2. The System

Chapter 2  
  
Where am I?  
Who is she?  
Why do I know her?  
Why am I here?  
Who am I?  
  
This machine, the Gundam, it can tell me. I have to open up. Ask the right questions. What are the right questions? I have to work out my past. I need to know who I am. To do that, I have to use this machine. The Gundam, Wing Zero.  
  
I have to wake up!  
I have to be me!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
An unfamiliar view.  
I don't know this place.  
It's new to me.  
So clean.  
So plain.  
So sterile.  
  
The faint smell of cherry blossoms echo through the room. Disguised amongst the putrid stench of death and decay. A hospital. The smell of death predominant in a place for health. This is what I created. This is what we all created. The false peace begins to shatter. It's in our nature to destroy. The human race. Inhumane. We destroy what we hold dear, and complain if we get hurt. The falseness of this peace has corrupted all. Even the sky grows angry with us. The grey skies create a perfect backdrop for our own demise.  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
This isn't me!  
I don't do this!  
I have to wake up!  
I have to be me!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
It's them.  
My comrades.  
They helped created and shape this world.  
They fought for peace.  
  
We obtained peace by spilling the blood of the innocent. Innocent, like the girl. Her dog. A single yellow flower. Follow orders. Destroy a mobile suit base. Simple. Unless you make miss-calculations. I've made a lot of them. I've messed up so many times. But they still trust me. They still think that I can do the impossible. But they're wrong. All I can do is destroy. I have one purpose in my worthless existence. Follow orders, complete missions. I destroy. I kill. I massacre. The pilot of a Gundam. Ironic that I'm named after a man who abdicated peace, when I'm the complete opposite. I kill those who get in my way. A weapon!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
No!  
This isn't me either!  
I have to wake up!  
I have to be me!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
I had no reason to exist.  
I never did.  
  
Orphaned at birth. The only person who's ever looked after me, killed on a mission. He trained me. Led me to be what I am today. A cold-blooded killer. He may have taught me a lot, but it was all for his own gain. He trained me in arms, explosives, and stealth. He taught me as his aide. We were never close. I was contracted to him. There was no connection, yet he was the closest thing I've ever had to family. But, I did learn one thing from Odin.  
  
Act on your emotions. Do as your heart tells you! I did!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
It seems familiar.  
I think that's me.  
But there's more.  
I need to go further.  
I want to know the rest of me!  
I have to wake up!  
I have to be me!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
They're all me!  
I'm a murderer.  
An assassin.  
A killer.  
But I am human!  
  
The other pilots. They're my.........my...friends! They're my family! I will be me. I don't need to know how I was. I'll find out how I will be. But I don't need Zero for that. All it takes is time. I'll live for the first time in my life. I'll be me!  
  
I am Heero Yuy.  
I am a 15-year-old boy.  
I am not a machine.  
I am not a weapon.  
I'm awake, and I am me!  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
When I woke up, I was in bed! Does that mean it was all a dream? Does that mean that everything I saw was a lie? If that's the case, who am I really?  
  
Duo? He's sleeping in a chair at the side of my bed! Duo Maxwell, the pilot of the Gundam Deathscythe Hell. He named himself the God of Death, Shinigami. He's seen death first hand. So have all of us! At the age of 15 we all fought in a war. We destroyed. We massacred. We killed. To bring peace. Ironic!  
  
I can hear footsteps approaching this room. I don't want to speak to anyone at the moment so I pretend to be asleep. No one knows any better. The door opens and somebody steps in. At the sound of the approaching footsteps, Duo wakes up. The sound of a gun being cocked. The door opens and there's a voice. He's identifying himself to Duo. It's Trowa.  
  
'How is he?' They're obviously talking about me.  
  
'Pretty much the same'  
  
'He still hasn't woken up?' How long have I been out? I don't know what's going on.  
  
'It's been too long Trowa. What if something's "wrong" with him!' A new voice. It's Quatre.  
  
'Don't worry. Heero's been through a lot worse and he's still here'  
  
'But for how much longer!' The last wasn't a question. It was a statement.  
  
'Duo! Don't talk like that!' I need to know…. I guess I have to wake up!  
  
'Du…Duo!' I say. Well, I try to. It comes out as barely a whisper. But they heard me!  
  
'Heero?' I guess he can't tell I'm awake! I swallow, trying to make it easier for me to speak. It hurts, causing me to start coughing. Within second, I can feel the bile filling my throat. He must have noticed the way I look because as I lean to the side, the bin is placed underneath my mouth. I end up vomiting, until I start to dry heave.  
  
'Heero. You Ok buddy?' He rubs my back, hoping it'll help me. Eventually, my stomach starts to settle, allowing me to roll back onto the bed.  
  
'Fine' I say weakly. He smiles at me before continuing to speak.  
  
'You know, you had us scared for a while there man!' He's trying to lighten the atmosphere with his usual display of humour. I can remember these things now!  
  
My memories of who I am, who they are, they're returning. I was in my Gundam, Wing Zero. I fought against Epyon, against Zechs! He self-detonated. I ran out of firepower to destroy the threat to Earth, the piece of Libra. I was going to self-destruct Zero, but he, he stopped me and did it himself. But it didn't work. A piece kept falling. It would've ruined the Earth. All I knew was that it had to be destroyed, and I was the one who had to do it! Wufei, he gave me my Buster rifle. I flew ahead of the block, and I fired. Did I, did I hit it?  
  
'What happened?' I ask, hoarsely. They stop talking amongst themselves and stare at me. It's unnerving. Eventually Quatre breaks the silence.  
  
'What do you remember?' He asks.  
  
'Zechs and I fought. He self-detonated.' I notice the others look to the floor at that point, but I continue. 'A piece of Libra was still falling. I tried to destroy it. But that's it! Did I get it?' Duo starts grinning like a Cheshire cat.  
  
'Yeah buddy. Of course you got it! You saved the Earth!' The others start smiling at me. Quatre opens his mouth to speak but he's interrupted by a knock on the door. Trowa, being the closest to the door, walks over to it and opens it.  
  
'How is he?' A soft voice asks.  
  
'He's awake' Trowa answers. 'Did you want to see him?' He turns back to Duo and Quatre. 'Guys, out!' Quatre stands up and grabs Duo's arm, causing Duo to eventually rise from the chair and move to the door.  
  
Who's that? The voice seems familiar, but I can't place it. I should know who it is, but I don't remember. They all leave the room. It's quiet as the door begins to swing shut. I watch as the door slowly swings back towards the frame, only to stop short as someone places a hand against it. The door then begins to open as someone walks in. A woman, about my age, walks in. Her face seems familiar as well. I should remember who she is.  
  
'Heero. Are you alright?' She must know me and she seems worried. Looking at her face, a name pops into my head. I don't know where from.  
  
'Re… Relena?' She smiles at me. That must mean I got the right name.  
  
'Heero. How are you feeling?' She still seems worried about me.  
  
'Fine' I answer. Well, I suppose it's not completely true, but I don't want to worry her. She seems to believe me because she nods her head and smiles.  
  
'Heero, I…' She's interrupted by a ringing sound. I watch as she searches her handbag to find the source of the sound. Within seconds, she pulls out a phone and looks at it.  
  
'Aren't you going to answer it?' I ask. She looks at me, then nods. She presses a button on the phone.  
  
'Hello' The second the words leave her mouth, she pulls the phone away from her and holds it at arms length. A shocked expression passes her face as I can hear what sounds like shouting coming from the other end of the phone.  
  
'Fine. I'll be there as soon as I can.' Hanging up her phone, she looks at me then places her phone back in her bag.  
  
'I… I have to go.' She looks upset.  
  
'It sounds important.' She still seems upset, but she nods.  
  
'I'll see you later?' It sounded like she was asking me if I would still see her. I nod in reply. She looks at me for a few moments before turning around and opening the door. Glancing over at me, she notices that I'm still watching her. I quickly turn my head away and I hear her leave.  
  
I don't really understand what just happened. All I know is that she left me. I don't get much of a chance to think about what just happened. Within seconds of her leaving another figure emerges through the door. It's a new face. I've seen this one before but I can't remember her name.  
  
'Heero. Can I come in?' I nod to her and she enters. I look at her, trying to remember her name. She's… she's the doctor. The one who worked with Wufei. Her name, it's…. I think it's Sally.'  
  
'Heero, how are you feeling today?' As far as I can remember, she's a doctor. I guess she must be the one who looked after me. It must have been her because I'm not in a hospital by the look of it. I feel comfortable around her so I try to answer her questions.  
  
'How does your head feel?'  
  
'Are you having any respiratory problems?'  
  
'Have you tried to eat or drink anything yet?'  
  
The questions continue as I answer them all with a shake or a nod of my head. She makes notes on her clipboard as she asks the questions. Once she finishes she takes a tube of my blood and leaves me to rest. She tells me that she'll tell the others not to disturb me. It's strange how I've just woken up from sleeping for however long I was out for and I still feel tired. I wonder how long I've been out for. There's a radio in the corner in the room. My best chance for finding out without calling the others back into the room. Slowly, I start trying to sit up in the bed. A sharp pain shoots through my spine from the base up to my head. The pain causes my to collapse back onto the bed. I bite down on my tongue to stop me from yelling out in pain. As my head falls back onto the pillow, I begin to feel a metallic taste in my mouth, blood! My eyelids slowly droop down as sleep overcomes me.  
  
I wake to the sight of Duo sitting in a chair next to my bed. From the look of it he's been sitting there for a while. I try to sit up and get a drink but before I've even put my hands to the bed to push up, a strong hand pushes down on my shoulder.  
  
'Heero buddy, you shouldn't be moving.' He's concerned about me still.  
  
'Water.' He looks at me for a moment before reaching over to the cabinet and pours a glass of water. After adding a straw, he moves the glass toward me and holds the straw in front of my mouth. I look at him for a moment, before opening my mouth and accepting the straw. The cool liquid sooths my sore throat, causing me to cough. Duo moves the glass away and looks down at me. I turn to look at him and catch him watching me with a strange look on his face. His face shows an emotion I can't discern. Before I get a chance to analyse it, he's hidden back behind his mask! 


	3. AN

Hey, This is just to find people who are interested. I dunno if I'm allowed to write this here, but all work will be shown on the site as it will be fan fiction.  
  
Any way!  
  
I'm creating a Gundam Wing Fan Fiction, but it will be a group piece based on the lives of the characters from the series. If people are interested in acting as one of the characters, then please contact me. All of the information can be found on my site: Please, have a look, and either e-mail me, leave feedback as a review, or leave a message on my message board!  
  
Thanks!!! XD  
  
btw: I will update soon. Just checking through what I've already done! 


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